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The Preacher's Experiment



One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to
try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study
table these three objects:

A Bible, A silver dollar, and a bottle of whiskey.

"Now then," the old preacher said to himself, "I'll just hide
behind the door here, and when my son comes home from school this afternoon,
I'll see which of these three objects he picks up.

"If he picks up the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and
what a blessing that would be. "If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and
that would be o.k. too. "But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a drunkard --a
no-good drunkard -- and Lord, what a shame that ! would be."

The old man was anxious as he waited, and soon he heard his son's
footsteps as he came into the house whistling and headed back to his
room.

He deposited his books on the bed; and as he turned around to leave
the room he spotted the objects on the table.

With a curious look in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.

What he finally did was . he picked up the Bible and placed it
under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket.
He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink.

"Lord have mercy," the old man whispered, "He's gonna be a
POLITICIAN

No SEX Since 1955

A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event, hosted by
local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young,
idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant
Major for some conversation.

She said, "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very
serious man. Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am," the Sergeant Major replied, "Just serious by
nature."

The young lady looked at his awards, medals and decorations and
said, "It looks like you've seen quite a lot of action."

The Sergeant Major's short reply was, "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said,
"You know you should just lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy
yourself..."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally, deciding to take a different tack, the young lady said,
"You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time
you had sex?"

The Sergeant Major glanced at his watch, looked at her and curtly replied,
"1955, ma'am."

She gasped, "Well, there you are! You really need to chill out and quit
taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955! Isn't
that little extreme?"

The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch again, and said in his matter-of-fact
voice, Do you think so? It's only 2130 now..."

Keeping the Preacher


The Preacher explains that he must move on to a larger congregation that
> will pay him more.
>
> There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave. Joe
> Smith, who owns several car dealerships in the city, stands up and
> proclaims: "If the Preacher stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac
> every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their
> children!"
>
> The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.
>
> Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and investor, stands and says, "If
> the
> Preacher will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary and also
> establish a foundation to guarantee the college education of all his
> children!"
>
> More sighs and loud applause.
>
> Sadie Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, "If the preacher
> stays, I will give him sex."
>
> There is total silence.
>
> The Preacher, blushing, asks her: "Mrs. Jones, whatever possessed you to
> say that?"
>
> Sadie's 90 year old husband Jake is now trying to hide, holding his
> forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side
> while his
> wife replies:
>
> "Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, "Screw the
> Preacher."

10 Thousand Dollars.........



A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says
to
her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?

"Are you nuts? !!" she replies, and keeps walking away. He turns around,

runs
around the block and gets to the corner before she does.

"Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks again.

"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?" So the guy runs around
the
next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts
just once for $10,000 dollars?"

She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars, eh?
Ok,
just
once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."

So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the
most
perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and

starts
caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them,
burying
his
face in them, but not biting them.

The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite them
or
not?"

"Nah", he replies. "Costs too much..............."

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